How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
