Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
