No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
