The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
