I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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