Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
