like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
