god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
