Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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