Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
