All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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