She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I will be naked everywhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
