WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
