he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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