thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
