Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You need Xanax blowdarts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
