Taylor Swift is so right about you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
