I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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