i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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