apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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