You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
