i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
