I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
they're like a gay fantastic four
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
