I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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