sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
