I think my vagina is haunted
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
