Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
