we're blogging at a bar
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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