____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
