Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
