You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
