Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
