hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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