Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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