I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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