FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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