I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
