Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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