You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
