I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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