somebody snuck up and got me drunk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
