She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
