Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
