your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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