just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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