Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
