I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
