im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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