You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
