A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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