areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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